I got into a very scary car accident yesterday.
I was way out in the middle of nowhere where I had a meeting for a new project that I was a very excited about. As I drove home I came to the top of what I knew was a very steep, narrow hill. As I crested the hill I saw a sand truck backing UP the road. I pumped my brakes slightly but they didn't catch and I started sliding, right towards the truck, which, because it was backing up, didn't see me. I have a 4WD SUV with studded snow tires and those tires weren't grabbing onto anything. Instead of sliding right into the truck I steered to the right, into a huge ice packed snow bank. Still the truck didn't see me and kept on backing up, right towards my driver's side. I honked and honked and, at the last minute, he saw me and stopped. I was able to back out of the snow bank and into the road but I just kept on slipping down the hill. The sand truck dropped some sand and made tracks, trying to stay ahead of me. Finally, safely, we both made it to the bottom of the hill. Way to close for comfort.
I had an hour drive home after the incident and was feeling quite elated. Really, I was pretty damn proud of myself. There are many times that I feel like I am too much of a "girl," lacking knowledge of cars and heating systems and fixing doorknobs. But in those moments I know that I did exactly what I should have done to avoid a more serious accident. I down shifted my engine, pumped my brakes and banked my car. I was able to get myself out of said snow bank and managed to get my car down a slippery hill without further incident. Yup, I was pretty damn proud of myself.
And then I got home. And the adrenaline wore off. My body felt like it had been hit by a truck and my mind was racing with all that could have happened. What I really wanted, more than anything, was a hug and a kiss from someone who would rub my sore shoulders and tell me what a good job I had done. But none of those things happened because I was alone.
And herein lies the rub. Almost every day I am so happy with my life on my own. I get to set my own schedule and eat what and whenever I want. I can walk my dogs in the woods and watch anything on TV and go to bed when I feel like it. Life is good. I am lucky. But then there are those times when my life alone just isn't any fun at all. When I am hurt or sad or have something exciting to share. Of course I can pick up the phone and call any number of friends but it's just not quite the same thing as sharing with someone you love, someone who is curled up next to you in bed.
I am afraid that I have no words of wisdom about this one. I can tell you that after a hot bath I got in my car and drove to my friend's house where I joined 4 other women and a bottle of wine and watched "The Bachelorette." We laughed and celebrated reality TV love. And then I went home and went to bed and woke up the next day and life was just fine again.
Oh, wait, maybe I do have some words of wisdom. This loneliness, this feeling that overwhelms me some days, always seems to pass. So I try to remember this. Recognizing the impermanence of things can make them much more bearable. Anyone can handle anything for a little while. And it doesn't hurt, I have found, to pass that time with your girlfriends and some reality TV. So make a plan, ride out it. You will be fine.
Source by Mitzi Wilson
